The "wtf" Post

"No!" said my good side, who is off to bed at this moment.
"I am gonna say what I want to say, and there ain't no phucka to stop me!" replied the devil in me.
I am in a constant fight between my good and evil right now. It is that sweet taste of alcohol that is taking over and there ain't not a single halo that can stand on my head tonight.
There is this huge proclamation I am about to reveal: I will never be in a relationship ever again with the feeling of "LOVE".
I don't know. It's not fear anymore. It's not that feeling that I fear of falling in love again and knowing then chance of getting hurt. It's that egoistic side telling me that no one deserves somebody like me. Whether you take the term "somebody" positively or negatively, I fucking don't care. I dare someone to come up and tell me that I'm the one but certainly nobody can handle my "flaws" (if "flaws" here means having concerns with the environment, being extraordinary, or being in the "rational" and "logical" side of an argument).
No, I don't have any problem with people around me who are in love, I'm proud of them. But for me, I can feel that I want to make a decision---a hasty one--that I will never love again. That it should not be part of my life. It's that hole----that hole that eats my dignity (I guess). Stop it! These thoughts, I don't know, they keep on coming, they're life lightning hitting me----they say that lightning does not strike at the same place twice--but here it is. They hit me hard, NO PAIN---just a thought that I don't want to fall again.
It's crazy!! I wanna puke right now! I just don't know myself at this moment! But I know for sure, that when the time comes that I fall for someone, I'll make sure that we both have the same level of excellency... or maybe the other is even higher...
GRrrrrrr! I can't stop typing..qwerwjgrngeerjnigrjRIPHNR

Coco Crunched

Being a good follower of my musings, you could easily trace the times when I shared that the spice in my head is drifting away or that it occurs occasionally. Probably, it is also one of the reasons why Everything E is not as active as before ('before' here translates as "the times I was doing blogs since "Anything But Ordinary" to "Pornography of My Inner Universe"). There is really something wrong with my head. Of course, there is. But the problem is, when I summon that inner power and that magnanimous spirit, it seems like it is in a deep slumber and rarely manages to bat my head.
A little conscious about it, I struggled months ago to know what is causing all this lack of omnipotence. The first thing I blamed, to be honest, is being in a relationship with someone not of my own mental level (the description given here means someone with a head gear of a 10-year-old). Those were the times that I tried to go down to that shmuck's level so that we can enjoy the same stuff (but it does not mean I lost myself completely--I love myself and will never utterly lose it). The second thing I blamed was the games I was playing. It was kind of irrational but I somehow pondered if games can really affect the way we think... in a negative way. Of course, games can help us develop our way of thinking, but, don't they also affect us negatively at some point? I still don't know. The third thing where I pointed my finger was Facebook. Don't ask.
I don't know if this is really normal, yet I am not in the first place. This is that point in time that I wish a manual came along when I was born. Now, all I know are human malfunctions (not disorders.. okay, disorders). But actually, the problem I guess is that I am too reactive rather than being proactive. I need to inquire about this strange phenomenon. When the Net is in front of me, there's one answer for asking questions: Yahoo Answer (Sorry, not Google... Goggle is not an answer, it is a search engine). My fingertips pounded on the keys and then they started hitting backspace...
Okay, so, how do you ask about losing your mind? Hmm... Now, that sounds crazy. Crazy indeed.
This is going nowhere. Somehow, I need to find a solution for this downfall of eminence. I have reserved my talents all these years in me and now, without even having the ability to touch the tips of success, my immortality is already... *gasp*... My immortality is slowly fading!
I'm becoming human.
I was never warned that this will happen to me. After all these years of doing favor for the Unknown by sinking me deep into the trenches of everything earthly and letting me store information necessary for their own understanding of humans and the Earth, I never thought that there is a possibility that I will become one of... them. No, I don't have a problem with humans, but the thing is, I can never survive here being one.
But let's go back to the main idea. Really, there is that big (I'm hesistant in saying "huge"; it might alarm me) loss inside my Inner Universe. Or is it that the portals are under damage control? Hmmm... The word 'damage' is alarming, too.
Now, I learned that I have a task for the next few days (or make it weeks and months): to find my old self back. That person who is better than the one strumming on these keys. That person whose head gear does not run out of explosives and fireworks. That person who can summon the tiny great words and teach them how to behave like gods---- Where art thou? This is when the search starts. I don't like pressuring myself, so, let me say, I shall give myself a week to end this hide and seek.
But of course, I am not going to leave you guys hanging; With or without "it", I shall struggle to muster all the energy left in my coconut shell.
Wait, did I say coconut shell? Oh no...

Booked Face

We used to think that the Internet is that thing that people would think is everything. We were wrong. We had no idea that it will give birth to something so phenomenal that people will forget its mother: Facebook. Everyone's been checking out their friends' and crushes' statuses and the latest applications that everyone has been crazy about. Suddenly, even I had that time that I can't get enough of Facebook. I wanted to be updated 24/7 (I still do, now that I got mobile net and Facebook is for free).
Suddenly, everyone has stopped living in reality. Now, you don't see them outside. They spend their time chatting with their pals online, poking each other virtually. So, somehow, the interesting creatures involved in my people watching (the norms) can no longer be found harassing the streets of social climbing spots. They're there in the comfort of their own home (or shall I say, cafes). But suddenly, that flickering light bulb on my head came on in a jolt: Aha! Facebook made my job easier: I can people watch at Facebook.
Yeah, Facebook brought me a larger hodgepodge of people whether to love for or to spit at. They are all here! It is interesting to note that you don't see them move here but you see them do exhibitions in front of cameras (exhibition here means slanting your face and shooting yourself on bird's eye-view to get your from-atop-sideways-good-angle-even-if-it-isn't look---I do that sometimes, too, to annoy myself). There are really people really think they still got even a tiny fragment of beauty when they flash cameras on their faces. That's nice. Yeah, nice.
Also, there are people who keep on posting their feelings toward someone whether it would be anger, love, or, missing someone. It just makes me wonder why most of them are those people who cannot really speak in real life. Are they really just good at posting status on Facebook? Is that all they can do for themselves? Why do they sound cool in Facebook status and do not sound like anything at all in real life? Do they wish that they just live in Facebook and never go out of there?
And then there are those who keep you updates about them 24/7 (24/7 this time means twenty four posts in seven minutes). They are those people that tell you that they have just finished washing dishes, they have just closed the door from the bathroom, or they have just took a glance at the window to see nothing. Now, don't get me wrong, I myself do this but not, as in, TOO MUCH. I just say what I want to, and I bet this is what they are also going to say if they read this. But the thing is, do we really need to know everything?
Facebook may be everything for some people but everything is never Facebook. I have nothing against this site nor to all members of it. Hey, Facebook is cool. I didn't write this to diss anyone. I'm writing because I always write about my observations. And it's cool that I get to be connected with all of my friends and know things about them even if we don't meet anymore. I'm not writing to say that Facebook's members stupid or immature or anything... I just think that it is entertaining! The next time I want to talk about something, I just search my “favorite people”, know what' up with them, and I'm on it. You can't blame all these people; it's their escape from the cruel world. Now, let me look for the plug... hmmmmm.....

The Yin Yang Glasses

"(The world's image) depends on how you see it."
Somebody told me this after my reaction with is statement that all people fling and cheat. The sentence hit me in general. It was like a huge mallet that blew my head off for the next thirty seconds. After so many things that I have been writing about the world, suddenly, I thought that my words were only created upon my own belief that the world is round and that everyone collides with the same people without even realizing.
That people are bacteria that have infested parts of the earth.
That there are really humans that act like animals almost completely.
That crime should exist to remind us that there should be safety.
That sickness exists to remind us about health.
And so on...

This conversation was through chat so, instead of my usual quick response to people, I was taken aback. It felt like my hands were negative charged magnets repelled by positively charged keyboards.

And so ,I thought, "Does it really depend on how we see things?"

I am a person with an open mind. I welcome people's opinions. That's why this was something that somehow clogged my mind because it found its opponent inside me but I welcomed both of them to the same room. Yeah, the image of the world may look like how you see it. If you see rainbows and butterflies, you'll get it. But of course, remember this: Denying facts won't make them even half the opinions you want them to be. If you see all rainbows and butterflies, you still can't change the fact that dark smoke is inhabiting your lungs or that the weather does not go the way you want it to be.

Still, there are facts we need to face. People are full of opinions. But at the end of the day, facts will still come to haunt you. They are mostly things unchangeable.

People start to believe that I am a person with so many criticisms about the world. First, let me tell you that I'm not perfect and I love learning. Second, everything I say are just what I see in things. They are hodgepodge of facts and opinions. Not all things I say are true but not everything I say is an opinion. I just exist to remind people that whatever it is you're trying to deny, it is still there in front of you, staring back at you, and I have a tiny third eye to see them. People explain at their finest to excuse themselves from the things they do not want to accept for themselves or about the world. I'm here just to remind you that somehow, you still need to work on them and if possible, get rid of them.

I'm not a person who sees the world as all dark clouds and blood; I see the world just as how it is. It's not completely dirty---nor it is completely beautiful. Nothing is entirely evil and nothing is utterly good. That's the best thing about our world: It's just right.

Love Is Not Forever

Do never promise the person you love that you will that person forever. You can never tell. Maybe I'm just overgeneralizing but there are really people who, at first, fall in love with you but at then end, falls out of love.
I used to think that this is not true. I used to believe that when a person strongly loves you, that person would not let go off you no matter what. But, it seems to me that nothing is predictable when it comes to unusual relationships.
Now I came to my new belief that you should never promise a person that you will love him or her forever. Things change. A they say: "Change is the only constant thing in the world."
But of course, I still believe in love. That's why I say this: I don't believe in "I love you forever" but I believe in "I love you". Let us be contented of what our loved ones can give us at the moment. No promises: it is only a sign that you want to secure your future. Well, who doesn't? But the thing is, you should never expect that a relationship would end in a nice way. Of course, when you truly love each other, you need not promise that in the future, it would still be you and him/her. As long as there is love at present, it's enough to make each other feel it. You do not need to worry about tomorrow.
Anyway, I am not discouraging anyone not to promise their loved ones about loving forever. It is just my opinion. You are free to say whatever. But in the end, don't come telling me that you should have took my advice.
Love is not forever.. It is unpredictable... But, love should be held strong to make it last.
Smite me!

Spiced Up

I have this ambition of being able to move the world. I usually tell this before to my students. I told them that the should not let their names be written only on birth certificates and carved on tomb stones but let them be spelled across the globe. Yes, it's not juts about me; It's about everyone making a difference and making their lives worth living.
God must have put me in a situation wherein I get to practice it and one of it was at school. When I became an adviser, I was challenged to bring my class's indifferent majority to SOMETHING. Almost everyday was a futile lesson--my homeroom period most of the time becoming a blog post which I intend to post for criticizing nonsensical acts. There came a time that I stopped preaching in front and threw my hands up, telling myself, "Eric, it seems useless to bring their faces back in front." At the latter part of our relationship, my students were doing well when they learned that I have filed my resignation. But of course, at the end of the day, nothing MUCH has changed. There were good progress though and I must say I'm really proud of them although the number of these blessed beings are enough to raise only up to the last finger of my hands.
That's all there is.
Then, I was also challenged to change a special person from being too vulnerable and weak. But also at the end of our relationship, he was able to show me that there are people you can never move no matter how special you are (or WERE) to them. Schadenfreude segue: At least, I was able to prove myself that I'm better than him when we broke up. He sucks big time now, figuratively and literally.
No, I'm not saying that I'm a perfect person. I could never claim to be. Nor can I say that I do most things the right way. Nor could I say that most things that I say are right. It is just that we all have that goal to make this world a better place. And whenever I think that an idea is practical and logical, I advise it to people. When I am not in the right position to say such, I shut my trap.
But here's the lesson: We can never really change everyone. The world is dirty and it will always be. This isn't coming from my pessimist side---neither I am a pessimist. I just know it now. Without conflict, where's the spice of life? Without war, how would we know about peace? Without indifferent people, how would we know we should achieve excellence? Without stupid people, whom can we laugh at? (Just kidding!)
The dark side of Yin Yang is there for a purpose: to spice up life. Imagine if life were perfect. Everything would be the same thing. But with the dirt of the world, we'll know that we need to take a bath every once in a while--and I know you'll agree that taking a bath makes us feel better, right?
This is not to tell you to raise your white flags and melt in the mediocre crowd. This is to tell you that there should always be struggle... We still aim for the better... But do not be frustrated with not being able to change everything completely... Because there are really stupid people out there (even I can be at times). We just need to know how to deal with them. Start with digging up their graves.