"No!" said my good side, who is off to bed at this moment.
"I am gonna say what I want to say, and there ain't no phucka to stop me!" replied the devil in me.
I am in a constant fight between my good and evil right now. It is that sweet taste of alcohol that is taking over and there ain't not a single halo that can stand on my head tonight.
There is this huge proclamation I am about to reveal: I will never be in a relationship ever again with the feeling of "LOVE".
I don't know. It's not fear anymore. It's not that feeling that I fear of falling in love again and knowing then chance of getting hurt. It's that egoistic side telling me that no one deserves somebody like me. Whether you take the term "somebody" positively or negatively, I fucking don't care. I dare someone to come up and tell me that I'm the one but certainly nobody can handle my "flaws" (if "flaws" here means having concerns with the environment, being extraordinary, or being in the "rational" and "logical" side of an argument).
No, I don't have any problem with people around me who are in love, I'm proud of them. But for me, I can feel that I want to make a decision---a hasty one--that I will never love again. That it should not be part of my life. It's that hole----that hole that eats my dignity (I guess). Stop it! These thoughts, I don't know, they keep on coming, they're life lightning hitting me----they say that lightning does not strike at the same place twice--but here it is. They hit me hard, NO PAIN---just a thought that I don't want to fall again.
It's crazy!! I wanna puke right now! I just don't know myself at this moment! But I know for sure, that when the time comes that I fall for someone, I'll make sure that we both have the same level of excellency... or maybe the other is even higher...
GRrrrrrr! I can't stop typing..qwerwjgrngeerjnigrjRIPHNR
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